Think, analyse, plan and repeat. That had been his life. In his 42 years, all he had done was be careful. Careful about every decision he had to take that he didn’t take any at all. Everything that had gone right or even wrong in his life was thanks to fate or the people around him because his cautiousness hardly allowed him to take a step on his own.
When he was young, he would watch his mother counting money all the time. His father would usually be cursing himself or a relative for doing something they shouldn’t have. Prudence was a rule his parents lived by. There was no other way to spend your life. That there was such a thing as taking risks, he wasn’t aware of it. All he knew was life at home and people outside who didn’t always live by his parents’ rules and therefore, suffered. If he ever had the slightest wish to do something different, it went unnoticed. Wishful thinking only led to doom.
And so he always had to either look up to or put himself in his father’s shoes, to decide what he must do. The only unplanned thing that had happened in his life was his wife’s miscarriage when she got pregnant 2 months after their marriage and was later too weak to conceive again. This was the first shock of his life. He didn’t know if he wanted kids, he just knew he would have them. His wife, whimsical as she was, was sure she wanted a child and proposed that they adopt one. This shocked him more than her miscarriage. She really was outrageous! Had she thought this idea of hers through when she casually threw it in front of him? Where would the child come from, how could they be sure of its background, should it be a girl or a boy…too much had to be considered. They had to be careful about this ‘idea’ instead of being excited.
Now at 42, he had gotten another shock of his life. One that would lead to his end and no matter how careful he was, there was no stopping it. Lying on the hospital bed, he looked at his wife who was pretending to be strong but he could see the fear in her eyes. He was going to leave her alone. She lost her family when she was five. He could have given her a family but he was too careful.
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